Vote Obama – if you want a centrist Republican for US president

 Because Barack Obama has adopted so many core Republican beliefs, the US opposition race is a shambles.

American presidential elections are increasingly indistinguishable from the reality TV competitions drowning the nation’s airwaves. Both are vapid, personality-driven and painfully protracted affairs, with the winners crowned by virtue of their ability to appear slightly more tolerable than the cast of annoying rejects whom the public eliminates one by one. When, earlier this year, America’s tawdriest (and one of its most-watched) reality TV show hosts, Donald Trump, inserted himself into the campaign circus as a threatened contestant, he fitted right in, immediately catapulting to the top of audience polls before announcing he would not join the show.

The Republican presidential primaries – shortly to determine who will be the finalist to face off, and likely lose, against Barack Obama next November – has been a particularly base spectacle. That the contest has devolved into an embarrassing clown show has many causes, beginning with the fact that GOP voters loathe Mitt Romney, their belief-free, anointed-by-Wall-Street frontrunner who clearly has the best chance of defeating the president.

In a desperate attempt to find someone less slithery and soulless (not to mention less Mormon), party members have lurched manically from one ludicrous candidate to the next, only to watch in horror as each wilted the moment they were subjected to scrutiny. Incessant pleas to the party’s ostensibly more respectable conservatives to enter the race have been repeatedly rebuffed. Now, only Romney remains viable. Republican voters are thus slowly resigning themselves to marching behind a vacant, supremely malleable technocrat whom they plainly detest.

In fairness to the much-maligned GOP field, they face a formidable hurdle: how to credibly attack Obama when he has adopted so many of their party’s defining beliefs. Depicting the other party’s president as a radical menace is one of the chief requirements for a candidate seeking to convince his party to crown him as the chosen challenger. Because Obama has governed as a centrist Republican, these GOP candidates are able to attack him as a leftist radical only by moving so far to the right in their rhetoric and policy prescriptions that they fall over the cliff of mainstream acceptability, or even basic sanity.

In July, the nation’s most influential progressive domestic policy pundit, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman, declared that Obama is a “moderate conservative in practical terms”. Last October, he wrote that “progressives who had their hearts set on Obama were engaged in a huge act of self-delusion”, because the president – “once you get past the soaring rhetoric” – has “largely accepted the conservative storyline”.

Krugman also pointed out that even the policy Democratic loyalists point to as proof of the president’s progressive bona fides – his healthcare plan, which mandates the purchase of policies from the private health insurance industry – was designed by the Heritage Foundation, one of the nation’s most rightwing thinktanks, and was advocated by conservative ideologues for many years (it also happens to be the same plan Romney implemented when he was governor of Massachusetts and which Newt Gingrich once promoted, underscoring the difficulty for the GOP in drawing real contrasts with Obama).

How do you scorn a president as a far-left socialist when he has stuffed his administration with Wall Street executives, had his last campaign funded by them, governed as a “centrist Republican”, and presided over booming corporate profits even while the rest of the nation suffered economically?

But as slim as the pickings are for GOP candidates on the domestic policy front, at least there are some actual differences in that realm. The president’s 2009 stimulus spending and Wall Street “reform” package – tepid and inadequate though they were – are genuinely at odds with rightwing dogma, as are Obama’s progressive (albeit inconsistent) positions on social issues, such as equality for gay people and protecting a woman’s right to choose. And the supreme court, perpetually plagued by a 5-4 partisan split, would be significantly affected by the outcome of the 2012 election.

It is in the realm of foreign policy, terrorism and civil liberties where Republicans encounter an insurmountable roadblock. A staple of GOP politics has long been to accuse Democratic presidents of coddlingAmerica’s enemies (both real and imagined), being afraid to use violence, and subordinatingUSsecurity to international bodies and leftwing conceptions of civil liberties.

But how can a GOP candidate invoke this time-tested caricature when Obama has embraced the vast bulk of George Bush’s terrorism policies; waged a war against government whistleblowers as part of a campaign of obsessive secrecy; led efforts to overturn a global ban on cluster bombs; extinguished the lives not only of accused terrorists but of huge numbers of innocent civilians with cluster bombs and drones in Muslim countries; engineered a covert war against Iran; tried to extend the Iraq war; ignored Congress and the constitution to prosecute an unauthorised war in Libya; adopted the defining Bush/Cheney policy of indefinite detention without trial for accused terrorists; and even claimed and exercised the power to assassinate US citizens far from any battlefield and without due process?

Reflecting this difficulty for the GOP field is the fact that former Bush officials, including Dick Cheney, have taken to lavishing Obama with public praise for continuing his predecessor’s once-controversial terrorism polices. In the last GOP foreign policy debate, the leading candidates found themselves issuing recommendations on the most contentious foreign policy question (Iran) that perfectly tracked what Obama is already doing, while issuing ringing endorsements of the president when asked about one of his most controversial civil liberties assaults (the due-process-free assassination of the American-Yemeni cleric Anwar Awlaki). Indeed, when it comes to the foreign policy and civil liberties values Democrats spent the Bush years claiming to defend, the only candidate in either party now touting them is the libertarian Ron Paul, who vehemently condemns Obama’s policies of drone killings without oversight, covert wars, whistleblower persecutions, and civil liberties assaults in the name of terrorism.

In sum, how do you demonise Obama as a terrorist-loving secret Muslim intent on empowering US enemies when he has adopted, and in some cases extended, what was rightwing orthodoxy for the last decade? The core problem for GOP challengers is that they cannot be respectable Republicans because, as Krugman pointed out, Obama has that position occupied. They are forced to move so far to the right that they render themselves inherently absurd.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/dec/27/vote-obama-centrist-republican

           © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved

America: You Keep Using That Word… … I don’t think it means what you think it means.

So, I’m driving into Anchorage this morning. Along with the usual herd of jackasses who, despite living in Alaska still don’t seem to know how to drive in snow, one vehicle in particular caught my eye.

It was one of those enormous black pickup trucks, with the huge knobby tires and smoked glass windows and chrome roll bar complete with half a dozen giant chrome halogen lights and a ten foot high antenna whipping about in the slipstream  and pipe organ-like exhaust pipes jutting up from behind the cab belching thick plumes of white diesel smoke like the twin contrails of a fighter jet on full afterburner.
The great steel beast wasn’t, in and of itself, unusual for the Glenn Highway at 6AM – or even unusual for Alaska in general, where giant manly trucks full of patriotic manly Viagra-fueled studs are quite common.

What caught my eye were the bumper stickers:
Proud American emblazoned across a red, white, and true blue Captain America shield;
In God I trust, In big government I fear. We must protect the country we love!;
and my perennial favorite: I love my country, it’s the damned government I hate.

Now, to be perfectly honest, those bumper sticker slogans aren’t particularly unusual on the Glenn Highway at 6AM either – and normally, they wouldn’t be enough to rise above my “What the hell?” threshold.
Not by themselves.
No, what caught my eye was the giant Confederate flag treatment in the back window.
Wait, what?
Proud American.
Confederate Flag.
Proud American.


Confederate Flag.

And suddenly I’m the Old Spice guy: Liberals, look at your little sissy Prius. Look at it. Loser. Now look at this awesome RAM truck. Look at it! It gets five miles a gallon. Look at the patriotic slogans! They’re American. Now look at the Confederate Flag! The Confederacy. It’s American. Now look back to the bumper. Back to the Flag! The bumper!  Now I’m a Confederate! Look again, I’m an American! A Rebel! America, hell ya! I’m on a horse…

Proud American. Confederate flag.

I wanted to pull up next him and roll down the window and ask, So, Just to make sure I’m clear on this, you’re a proud patriotic American who loves the United States which is why you display the battle symbol of a long defunct political/military organization that directly and without equivocation attempted to destroy that self same country. Is that correct?

No, strike that. That’s wrong.

That’s really not what I wanted to ask him.

What I really wanted to ask is this: Proud American? Really? What is it exactly that you’re proud of?  You say you love your country? You say you love the United States? Really? Which part? What is it that you love about it? Specifically, what exactly do you love about America?

Because, see, so far as I can tell, people like you seem to hate just about everything that makes the United States what it is.

You hate the President, you call him a Nazi and a socialist and communist and an enemy of America.  You’re embarrassed by him.  You hate his big jug ears and his oh so white smile and his funny alien name.  You hate his politics and his elitist education and his religion and his agenda and the way he speaks. You hate his wife and you hate his kids.  Now, to be fair, you hated the last president too and in fact you’ve got a beef with damned near every president except for Good Ole George Washington and maybe Ronald Reagan. You couldn’t stand Carter or that pig, Clinton, Nixon was a crook, Johnson got us into Vietnam and the best thing that Kennedy ever did was to take a ride in that convertible – too bad he didn’t invite little brother Ted along.  You hate the president all the way back to FDR.  Hell, you even hateTeddy Roosevelt because he was nothing but a goddamned anti-American Progressive – you know that’s true because Glenn Beck told you so (and don’t you hate it when people accuse you of getting your ideas from him? Like you can’t decide who to hate all by yourself).

You hate Congress. You hate the idea of a republic, of representative democracy, where Senators and Representative don’t do only what you want.  It’s we the people goddamnit. They’re all crooks. They’re allliars. They’re all corrupt greedy bastards.  They’re all ineffective. You hate them all.  They should all be thrown out – well, all of them except for your guy that is. What’s that? Oh you hate your guy too? Yeah, that figures.

You hate the courts, especially the Supreme Court.  Oh how you hate that they won’t let you make your hate the law of the land.  You hate the whole damned liberal American legal system. You hate the lawyers, you’d like to line them all up and shoot them first.  You hate that criminals get a legal defense, you hate that people can’t seem to see that they’re guilty, just drop them into a hole and throw away the key.  You hate those groups that keep using DNA to vacate death row convictions, the scumbags are guilty of something otherwise they wouldn’t be scumbags would they – but now they get to go free and collect a big fat settlement and, man, don’t you just hate that?  Of course, you hate paying for prison too, and as long as we’re on the subject you hate that prisons are big country clubs nowadays, what the hell are those scumbags complaining about? You hate those damned judges, they’re all liberal activists, everybody knows it.  You hate the fact that we can’t just string people up in the town square any more, those were the good old days you bet.  You’d like to see more military tribunals, that’s the ticket. Not like that’s going to happen, and boy don’t you just hate that too?

In fact, you hate the whole goddamned Federal government. You really hate the “united” part of the United States. You say you love the Constitution, and you do – the 2nd Amendment part anyway – but youreally hate the parts that let other people say what they like and worship religions different than yours and give the Federal government the power to regulate interstate commerce and award citizenship to brown skinned babies and give people you don’t like the same rights as you and make the government a secular organization instead of a Christian one – yeah, you really hate that part.  You hate federal regulations and federal law and federal taxes.  You hate the Fed and the fact that our money isn’t based on the gold standard.  You hate that the government won’t let you sell defective products and contaminated food and unsafe toys coated in lead paint or snake oil that purports to cure cancer – that’s just bad for business.  You hate the idea of anybody other than you getting affordable healthcare or retirement or a home loan.  You hate Social Security, even though you yourself never bothered to save not one single penny towards your own retirement.  You think the military is “broken” and you hate those wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but you hate the idea of ending them even more because then the terrorists will “win” – and you hate that we haven’t yet declared war on Iran and North Korea and maybe even Libya because you hate those bastards too. In fact, you hate the idea of peace all together, goddamned sissy liberals, real Americans love the smell of napalm in the morning you betcha.
You hate the American political system. You hate political parties. You hate those filthy liberals, oh you hate them so much, that’s a given. But you hate the Republicans too, you hate Progressives and Centrists and Moderates and there’s nobody you hate more than those traitor RINOs.

You hate your neighbors, you do, you hate them. You hate the niggers and the spics and the chinks and the gooks and spooks and hajis.  And, man, there’s nothing you hate more than when they call you a racist and a bigot. You hate all those minorities with their whining about equal rights and political correctness and affirmative action. You hate that they get a free ride.  You hate how they can’t take a joke. You hate the greedy Jews. You hate the terrorist Muslims. You hate the child-molesting Catholics. And you just goddamned hate those atheists.  You hate anybody who wasn’t born again. You hate that guy with the long beard and the red turban who runs that store you hate downtown.  You hate those people who can’t speak English without an accent.  You hate having to dial 1 for English, my God how you hate that. You hate the fags in their little Speedos, demanding the right to wed just so they can mock your third marriage.  You hate immigrants, and not just the illegal ones either. You hate the idea that those dirty, diseased sons of bitches come here to this country and take all the good jobs.  You hate that your daughter is dating one of them. You hate that one of their kids can become president when there are plenty of good God fearin’ naturally born white men around – speaking of which, you really hate how white men have become the most persecuted minority in America, it’s shameful is what it is.  You hate the poor, the lazy bastards should just lift themselves up, stop being poor. You hate the rich, the ones born with a golden spoon full of coke in their noses and the ones who robbed their way to the top.  You hate feminists, those damned dyke bitches, and you hate that they think they should own their own reproductive organs.  You hate city people, the ones from New York and Los Angeles who think they’re better then you.  You hate those ignorant country bumpkins too, those pig shit covered farmers and their subsidies always sponging off your tax dollars.  You hate those college boys, those elitist snobs with their law degrees and science majors.  You hate people from the East Coast with their old money and blue blood, you hate them almost as much as you hate the fruits, nuts, and flakes from the West Coast, and by God, how you hate those crooked bastards from Chicago. You hate single mothers and women who breastfeed in public.  You hate fat people, those glutinous slobs taking up more than their fair share of the space.  Of course, youreally hate it when that America hating Michelle Obama suggests that your kids eat right and maybe get some exercise so they don’t end up overweight, how dare she, how dare she, if you want to be fat, by God, you’ll be fat and no hate-filled bitch is going to tell you what to do. You hate kids with long hair and tattoos.  You hate old people, the Greatest Generation of assholes, always complaining about how much better things used to be, why can’t they just die already and quit sucking on the Medicare tit? Speaking of Medicare, you hate that too, even though you yourself can’t afford health insurance for you family – besides, the emergency room is free. Right?

You hate the environment. You hate the flora and fauna and the terrain of the great American landscape.  You hate the polar bears and the snail darter and that stupid spotted owl.  You hate saving the Redwoods for generations to come. You hate those national parks and the bureau of land management. You hate clean air and water that’s safe to swim in. You hate that you can’t just shoot every deer and dip-net every salmon.  You hate catalytic converters and lead free gasoline.  You hate the fact that the fascist EPA won’t let you dump toxic waste into Love Canal or strip mine Utah. You hate carbon and separating your paper from your plastics. You hate blowout preventers and containment booms and hearing about the Exxon Valdez – honestly, hasn’t Exxon suffered enough?  Drill baby drill that’s what you’re talking about.  You hate the word “Green” and you hope Al Gore burns in hell for all eternity because you hate that commie fucker more than anybody else – well, except for maybe Obama, but that just goes without saying.

You hate public education.  You hate the Department of Education, you didn’t used to, but you sure do now.  You hate it because it’s not in the Constitution – the Constitution which you hated having to learn about in school, in that government class you so hated. You hate the school board and school administrators and the school principal. You hate schools, you hate having to pay taxes for a new roof so the kids don’t get rained on and you hate having to buy classroom equipment and you hate those afterschool programs – well, except for football, that’s OK.  And, by God, you hate the damned teachers, you hate those lazy, greedy, selfish bastards.  You hate that the arrogant pricks laugh at your poorly spelled TEA Party posters and you blame them for your ignorance. You hate that you have to pay them a living wage, you hate the idea that the modern world means that teachers have to be highly educated professionals instead of some chalk scented school marm who was good enough for your great grandfather. You grandfather didn’t need to learn about computers or technology or world events or funny looking people in countries that don’t matter, and you hate it when people tell you that your kids aren’t living in that world anymore.  You hate that your kids might have to learn about actual science, oh how you hate that they might hear about evolution or global climate change or plate tectonics or that people didn’t, in fact, live with dinosaurs and that the world is actually a lot older than 5000 years despite what you learned in Church last week.  You hate the liberal colleges with their long haired professors and their weird ideas – and you sure as hell hate how higher education tends to make people more liberal, not less.

You hate the media.  You hate CNN and MSNBC and ABC and the Washington Post.  You harbor a special hatred for Arianna Huffington, a hatred that flares as brightly as a burning deep water drilling rig.  You hate Hollywood, you hate how it’s controlled by the Jews or maybe the Bilderbergs and their New World Order or perhaps it’s really secretly controlled by the Illuminati or the Muslim Brotherhood. Whoever is in charge out there, you hate how every movie seems to have gay people in it, or blacks, or an Arab.
You hate American capitalism – oh, you love Capitalism with a capital C, but you hate what those greedy conniving Wall Street fat cats have done to it.  God, how you hate those sons of bitches, the ones like Bill Gates who built his business from the ground up and became for a time the richest man in the world, and then – and this is the part you really hate – he started giving his money away.  Of course, it’s all a lie, he’s just giving it away for the tax break and how you hate that too, don’t you? And you hate those pricks in management, those prissy white collar MBA’s who have never done an honest day’s labor in their privileged lives.  Ah, but as much as you hate the executives and the management, that’s nothingcompared to how much you hate labor. You hate unions. You hate that middle class Americans enjoy a living wage in safe working environments at a reasonable number of working hours per week.  You hate that they’ve thrown in together, bargaining collectively so that they might have a bit of leverage against those fat cats and greedy corporations you also hate.  You call them socialists and communists and you hate it when somebody points out that in far left socialist and communist countries workers have no rightswhatsoever (and didn’t in America either, until the unions came along). God how you hate being confused with facts by liberal Nazi Commies who dare to question your cognitively dissociative reasoning.

In point of fact, other than the flag (the American one, not the Confederate one – though that works too, I guess), there doesn’t seem to be much about America you do like.

So, when you say you love America, what is it exactly that you love?

When you say you’re a proud American, what is it that you’re proud of?

Because, I’ve got to tell you, I’m just not seeing it.

 

http://www.stonekettle.com/2011/03/america-you-keeping-using-that-word.html


Part 2 – America: Explained: Follow up article and amplifying thoughts about this post.

Part 3 – America: Land That I Love: Follow up article and why I love this country.

Update: This post has gone viral.  Thanks to all of you who linked, Facebooked, tweeted, and stumbled it – and if you haven’t, well why the hell haven’t you?

 

If you liked this post: you might like this one too:  Liberalism, Conservatism, and Insanity.  One of these days I’m going to have to put all these bumper sticker inspired posts into a book.

 

It’s Almost Time For Channukah (Or Christmas..)

Most people I think,  know the difference between right and wrong, it is in our nature, that is why civilization has thrived and most of humanity has experienced a lifestyle that is a great improvement for vast numbers of people .

I have always felt that it is wrong for some people to be born wealthy and live unbelievably extravagant life styles, while millions of other people are born in grinding poverty.

George Bush, Paris Hilton,  and other members of the American “Nobility”  did nothing to earn life as Arabian Princes and Princesses.

Hilton has good looks, and may have been able to parlay that into something anyway, Bush has nothing going for himself yet he has been able to order others to kill thousands of people, poor people, for no other reason really except that he was born wealthy.
Many of the wealthy in America, especially the ones who know they didn’t really earn their millions or billions,  perform charity work and give vast sums away.
Others, again, like the Bush family, spend their fortunes protecting their fortunes from being shared by others.
Life is not fair, but every one with morals is trying to make it more fair.
That, again, is in our natures.
All we can do, is a. Be thankful we were born in the West, where although we have rough times, as  least we  probably won’t starve or be swept away in a mudslide, or drowned in a tsunami, and b., in my opinion, try to be kind, try to do good for other people, try to be humble and non judgmental and fair and moral, and happy.
Those are the main points, I could write a book on what I think we should do, many people have, and some of them are helpful.
I like the Tao Te Ching, available free online.
It’s not my gospel, but I get a lot of good out of it, and if I had to preach a doctrine, (which I don’t, obviously) that would be the one I would choose.

Right now, life is somewhat rough for me,  just getting over a painful divorce, but I am so healthy I really expect to live another 30 or 40 years, so I am working on building my life, taking advantage of what is good in it, and not letting other’s misperceptions drag me down.
I met a girl recently, her name is Paula.
She’s pretty, around late 30’s or early 40’s, and she thinks I’m funny.
There is something about her.
So I am going to go for it.
Remember, life goes in cycles, good and bad, up and down.
The trick is to get through the bad times.
You can do that.

Killer Robots, Can It Get Any Scarier?

Our thanks to the Website Mayopie for this…warning.
Killer Robots, Can It Get Any Scarier?
Reprinted from : Mayopie
The puzzle is finally coming together. I’ve warned you people time and time again. Do you listen? No. You come here, think I’m all jokey jokester despite my persistent warnings. Well, I can’t help you if you don’t take me seriously. Vagina.
“So how are we going to die today, Mayo?” I’m glad you asked. We all know that the military has been developing unmanned military vehicles for years. We also know that, ideally, if the military was able to replace soldiers with robots and do so in a cost-effective way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. We know that they’ve developed a robot that eats dead people for fuel. We also know that many AI engineers believe that a terminator style machine rebellion is quite possible. This is all 100% factual. Anything else? Oh yeah, now they’ve made one that can jump over walls up to 25 feet high.
It’s important to note that the people eating robot and the jumping robot’s technology haven’t yet been married, but how long do you think that will be? I’d say one year from now, our streets will be overrun with self aware, jumping, people-eating robots. That’s a conservative estimate based on my robot expertise. Don’t believe me? Ask me a robot question. Go ahead.
Will robots take over the earth?
Yes.
Need more? Fine, but I hate parlor tricks.
In Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie bought Rocky a robot for his birthday. True or False?
Pfft. True. And he reprogrammed its voice to sound sexy. And it had a car radio and a phone.
Have I danced enough for you? Should I also juggle?
I think we can safely say that I know what I’m talking about. The question is, what are you going to do to prepare for the jumping robot apocalypse? Fortunately, you’re here. That’s the first step. Consider yourself lucky because I can assure you that you are one of very few. Those that read this blog will not only be prepared, but will likely garner the key information needed to thrive in a robot ruled society.
Let’s begin. First, robots are emotionless. This is great because the last thing we need is an angry, people-eating, jumping robot. It also tells us that it won’t feel bad about eating you, so let’s call that a wash. Second, walls will no longer help you. That’s a shame because that was really my whole plan: Get behind a big wall. Shit. Now they’ve upped the game.Jumping robots. Touche’. Like in any war, contingency plans are required and in many cases can be more effective than the original plan. And while the military robot designers believe they have effectively countered my simple but brilliant wall strategy, they had obviously not accounted for my keen sense of warfare.
Actually, I’ve got nothing. Game. Set. Match. They jump now. It’s over. Damn you robot designers! Ok. Let’s not panic. We need to remain calm and think about this. Let’s recap:
The military has designed a robot that consumes dead people for fuel.
The military has designed a robot that can jump over walls as high as 25 feet.
Scientists believe that machines will become self aware.
Robots are strong. Like monkey strong. And they’re metal. And they have computer brains.
Humans are fleshy and not nearly as strong as monkeys.
Not only do humans not have computer brains, but they will smell or taste something even if you tell them it’s nasty.
David Caruso.
Many humans aren’t even self aware.
Again, I find myself on the fence about which side I want to be on. Johnny 5 or Steve Guttenberg? Robot or Will Robinson? Terminator or guy in drive thru line this morning that couldn’t scour for change in his ashtray while sitting in line? When I put it this way, the choice is simple. Go robotsOur thanks to the Website Mayopie for this…warning.
Killer Robots, Can It Get Any Scarier?
Reprinted from : Mayopie
The puzzle is finally coming together. I’ve warned you people time and time again. Do you listen? No. You come here, think I’m all jokey jokester despite my persistent warnings. Well, I can’t help you if you don’t take me seriously. Vagina.
“So how are we going to die today, Mayo?” I’m glad you asked. We all know that the military has been developing unmanned military vehicles for years. We also know that, ideally, if the military was able to replace soldiers with robots and do so in a cost-effective way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. We know that they’ve developed a robot that eats dead people for fuel. We also know that many AI engineers believe that a terminator style machine rebellion is quite possible. This is all 100% factual. Anything else? Oh yeah, now they’ve made one that can jump over walls up to 25 feet high.
It’s important to note that the people eating robot and the jumping robot’s technology haven’t yet been married, but how long do you think that will be? I’d say one year from now, our streets will be overrun with self aware, jumping, people-eating robots. That’s a conservative estimate based on my robot expertise. Don’t believe me? Ask me a robot question. Go ahead.
Will robots take over the earth?
Yes.
Need more? Fine, but I hate parlor tricks.
In Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie bought Rocky a robot for his birthday. True or False?
Pfft. True. And he reprogrammed its voice to sound sexy. And it had a car radio and a phone.
Have I danced enough for you? Should I also juggle?
I think we can safely say that I know what I’m talking about. The question is, what are you going to do to prepare for the jumping robot apocalypse? Fortunately, you’re here. That’s the first step. Consider yourself lucky because I can assure you that you are one of very few. Those that read this blog will not only be prepared, but will likely garner the key information needed to thrive in a robot ruled society.
Let’s begin. First, robots are emotionless. This is great because the last thing we need is an angry, people-eating, jumping robot. It also tells us that it won’t feel bad about eating you, so let’s call that a wash. Second, walls will no longer help you. That’s a shame because that was really my whole plan: Get behind a big wall. Shit. Now they’ve upped the game.Jumping robots. Touche’. Like in any war, contingency plans are required and in many cases can be more effective than the original plan. And while the military robot designers believe they have effectively countered my simple but brilliant wall strategy, they had obviously not accounted for my keen sense of warfare.
Actually, I’ve got nothing. Game. Set. Match. They jump now. It’s over. Damn you robot designers! Ok. Let’s not panic. We need to remain calm and think about this. Let’s recap:
The military has designed a robot that consumes dead people for fuel.
The military has designed a robot that can jump over walls as high as 25 feet.
Scientists believe that machines will become self aware.
Robots are strong. Like monkey strong. And they’re metal. And they have computer brains.
Humans are fleshy and not nearly as strong as monkeys.
Not only do humans not have computer brains, but they will smell or taste something even if you tell them it’s nasty.
David Caruso.
Many humans aren’t even self aware.
Again, I find myself on the fence about which side I want to be on. Johnny 5 or Steve Guttenberg? Robot or Will Robinson? Terminator or guy in drive thru line this morning that couldn’t scour for change in his ashtray while sitting in line? When I put it this way, the choice is simple. Go robotsOur thanks to the Website Mayopie for this…warning.
Killer Robots, Can It Get Any Scarier?
Reprinted from : Mayopie
The puzzle is finally coming together. I’ve warned you people time and time again. Do you listen? No. You come here, think I’m all jokey jokester despite my persistent warnings. Well, I can’t help you if you don’t take me seriously. Vagina.
“So how are we going to die today, Mayo?” I’m glad you asked. We all know that the military has been developing unmanned military vehicles for years. We also know that, ideally, if the military was able to replace soldiers with robots and do so in a cost-effective way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. We know that they’ve developed a robot that eats dead people for fuel. We also know that many AI engineers believe that a terminator style machine rebellion is quite possible. This is all 100% factual. Anything else? Oh yeah, now they’ve made one that can jump over walls up to 25 feet high.
It’s important to note that the people eating robot and the jumping robot’s technology haven’t yet been married, but how long do you think that will be? I’d say one year from now, our streets will be overrun with self aware, jumping, people-eating robots. That’s a conservative estimate based on my robot expertise. Don’t believe me? Ask me a robot question. Go ahead.
Will robots take over the earth?
Yes.
Need more? Fine, but I hate parlor tricks.
In Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie bought Rocky a robot for his birthday. True or False?
Pfft. True. And he reprogrammed its voice to sound sexy. And it had a car radio and a phone.
Have I danced enough for you? Should I also juggle?
I think we can safely say that I know what I’m talking about. The question is, what are you going to do to prepare for the jumping robot apocalypse? Fortunately, you’re here. That’s the first step. Consider yourself lucky because I can assure you that you are one of very few. Those that read this blog will not only be prepared, but will likely garner the key information needed to thrive in a robot ruled society.
Let’s begin. First, robots are emotionless. This is great because the last thing we need is an angry, people-eating, jumping robot. It also tells us that it won’t feel bad about eating you, so let’s call that a wash. Second, walls will no longer help you. That’s a shame because that was really my whole plan: Get behind a big wall. Shit. Now they’ve upped the game.Jumping robots. Touche’. Like in any war, contingency plans are required and in many cases can be more effective than the original plan. And while the military robot designers believe they have effectively countered my simple but brilliant wall strategy, they had obviously not accounted for my keen sense of warfare.
Actually, I’ve got nothing. Game. Set. Match. They jump now. It’s over. Damn you robot designers! Ok. Let’s not panic. We need to remain calm and think about this. Let’s recap:
The military has designed a robot that consumes dead people for fuel.
The military has designed a robot that can jump over walls as high as 25 feet.
Scientists believe that machines will become self aware.
Robots are strong. Like monkey strong. And they’re metal. And they have computer brains.
Humans are fleshy and not nearly as strong as monkeys.
Not only do humans not have computer brains, but they will smell or taste something even if you tell them it’s nasty.
David Caruso.
Many humans aren’t even self aware.
Again, I find myself on the fence about which side I want to be on. Johnny 5 or Steve Guttenberg? Robot or Will Robinson? Terminator or guy in drive thru line this morning that couldn’t scour for change in his ashtray while sitting in line? When I put it this way, the choice is simple. Go robots.

Reprinted from : Mayopie

The puzzle is finally coming together. I’ve warned you people time and time again. Do you listen? No. You come here, think I’m all jokey jokester despite my persistent warnings. Well, I can’t help you if you don’t take me seriously. Vagina.

“So how are we going to die today, Mayo?” I’m glad you asked. We all know that the military has been developing unmanned military vehicles for years. We also know that, ideally, if the military was able to replace soldiers with robots and do so in a cost-effective way, they’d do it in a heartbeat. We know that they’ve developed a robot that eats dead people for fuel. We also know that many AI engineers believe that a terminator style machine rebellion is quite possible. This is all 100% factual. Anything else? Oh yeah, now they’ve made one that can jump over walls up to 25 feet high.

It’s important to note that the people eating robot and the jumping robot’s technology haven’t yet been married, but how long do you think that will be? I’d say one year from now, our streets will be overrun with self aware, jumping, people-eating robots. That’s a conservative estimate based on my robot expertise. Don’t believe me? Ask me a robot question. Go ahead.

Will robots take over the earth?

Yes.

Need more? Fine, but I hate parlor tricks.

In Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie bought Rocky a robot for his birthday. True or False?

Pfft. True. And he reprogrammed its voice to sound sexy. And it had a car radio and a phone.

Have I danced enough for you? Should I also juggle?

I think we can safely say that I know what I’m talking about. The question is, what are you going to do to prepare for the jumping robot apocalypse? Fortunately, you’re here. That’s the first step. Consider yourself lucky because I can assure you that you are one of very few. Those that read this blog will not only be prepared, but will likely garner the key information needed to thrive in a robot ruled society.

Let’s begin. First, robots are emotionless. This is great because the last thing we need is an angry, people-eating, jumping robot. It also tells us that it won’t feel bad about eating you, so let’s call that a wash. Second, walls will no longer help you. That’s a shame because that was really my whole plan: Get behind a big wall. Shit. Now they’ve upped the game.Jumping robots. Touche’. Like in any war, contingency plans are required and in many cases can be more effective than the original plan. And while the military robot designers believe they have effectively countered my simple but brilliant wall strategy, they had obviously not accounted for my keen sense of warfare.

Actually, I’ve got nothing. Game. Set. Match. They jump now. It’s over. Damn you robot designers! Ok. Let’s not panic. We need to remain calm and think about this. Let’s recap:

The military has designed a robot that consumes dead people for fuel.

The military has designed a robot that can jump over walls as high as 25 feet.

Scientists believe that machines will become self aware.

Robots are strong. Like monkey strong. And they’re metal. And they have computer brains.

Humans are fleshy and not nearly as strong as monkeys.

Not only do humans not have computer brains, but they will smell or taste something even if you tell them it’s nasty.

David Caruso.

Many humans aren’t even self aware.

Again, I find myself on the fence about which side I want to be on. Johnny 5 or Steve Guttenberg? Robot or Will Robinson? Terminator or guy in drive thru line this morning that couldn’t scour for change in his ashtray while sitting in line? When I put it this way, the choice is simple. Go robots.